Anger, frustration, resentment, sympathy, pity, embarassment, disappointment, sorrow, sadness … pretty much that is what I am feeling on a daily basis, or a combination of any and all of the above. Another thing, I am strong and constantly told this by people around me … but what would it be like to actually NOT be strong … say, to fall apart? I am actually not sure what that would be like because I have always been ‘strong’. But, sometimes that is tiring, too. I sometimes want someone to be strong FOR me. Maybe this is just what being a woman is about … the pillar.
Yesterday Hannah asked to go and visit the place where her father is living … so, after a fun play date all day with a friend who lives not far from the detention center, we took a drive and parked out front. Actually, you can’t see much, but we walked down the side of the admin building, to where you can glimpse the wall … it is about 5-6 meters tall, and has barbed wire around the top. Behind is a yellow cement building, that looks to be about 2 storeys tall, with small windows, I assume marking each ‘cell’. Lights on by the time we got there, and I have heard that the lights are on all the time … 24 hours a day. The dull grey admin building is located in front of the wall, and has a black cast iron fence around it. There is a gate which we go through to enter the place where the lawyers can register to see inmates, family and friends can drop off money and clothing for those on the inside. There is also an ‘inquiry’ desk, which I have found to be absolutely useless … I took some photos of Hannah in front of the fence, and one of the over all complex, but there isn’t actually much to see. Would be better from a bird’s eye view?